Break The Cycle

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Chapter V

Tormented

Dysfunction

14 Shades Of Grey

Chapter V

01. Open Your Eyes
As I walk along these streets
I see a man who walks alone
Distant echo of people's feet
He has no place to call his own
A shot rings out from a roof overhead
A crackhead asks for change nearby
An old man lies in an alleyway dead
A little girl lost, just stands there and cries

What would you do, if it was you
Would you take everything
For granted like you do

A boy just 13 on the corner for sale
Swallows his pride for another hit
Overpopulation, there's no room in jail
But most of you don't give a shit
That your daughters are porno stars
And your sons sell death to kids
You're so lost in your little worlds
Your little worlds you'll never fix

What would you do, if it was you
Would you take everything
For granted like you do

You turn away
As I walk along the streets
Soaking up the acid rain
Underneath the taxi cabs
I hear the streets cry out in vain

What would you do, if it was you
Would you take everything
For granted like you do

02. Pressure
I just need this to be all right
I can't feel this another night
I can't take this I come unglued
I might breakdown in front of you
Necessary to medicate
I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake

Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure

If you need me I'll be here
Half unconscious escape my fear

I can't take this I come ungluged
I might break down in front of you
Necessary to medicate
I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake

Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure

My head hurts
This shit isn't getting me high
My chest is so tight
Am I going to die
My stomach's in knots
And the room starts to spin
As I wait for this valium to slowly kick in

Can't see through this
Too much pressure
And I'm drowning in this
Too much pressure
Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure

03. Fade
I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
The thought is too
Much to conceive

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you
When all this I was going through
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

But I never meant to fade away
I never meant to fade

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

I try to breathe

04. It's Been Awhile
And it's been awhile since I could
Hold my head up high
And it's been awhile since I first saw you
And it's been awhile since I couldn't stand
On my own two feet again
And it's been awhile since I could call you

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that are rendured
I stretch myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile since I couldn't say
That I wasn't addicted and
It's been awhile since I couldn't say I
Love myself as well, and
And it's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up
Just like I always do
And it's been awhile, but all that shit seems to disappear
When I'm with you

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it always seemed
The consequences that I've rendured
I've gone and fucked up things again

Why must I feel this way
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

And it's been awhile since I could
Look in myself straight
And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile since I've seen the way
The candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be
I know its me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And its been awhile since I could
Hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

05. Change
If ever you had said to me before
That I would lead this life that I am living
Now I guess it's all so strange
To feel the way I do inside
And have so much that I could feel
some pride for in my life
So why is it that I feel like this

How do I feel? I've been here before
I've felt this
Retreat to a place, a place within me
I need this
Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me
To torment again
And torture me like it used to

I try and try to break away from all the hate I'm feeling
For everyone of you that's ever done me wrong
I need to justify the reasons
For the way I'm living
I guess I can't
Cause I don't feel like I deserve it

How do I feel? I've been here before
I've felt this
Retreat to a place, a place within me
I need this
Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me
To torment again
And torture me like it used to

So now the waves they have subsided
And my soul is bleeding
I can't take away all the shame I feel
Forgive me

How do I feel? I've been here before
I've felt this
Retreat to a place, a place within me
I need this
Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me
To torment again
And torture me like it used to

06. Can't Believe
Respect, respect what is found
Respect should abound
Respect everything that you leave
I can't believe

I Can't believe

And I, I can't believe
I can't believe
All the travesty surrounding me
I, I want to flee
I want to flee
From everything in front of me

I Can't believe

Never again, trusted in you
Fuck everything that you think I should be
I said, never again, never again

I Can't believe

07. Epiphany
Your words to me just stay a whisper
Your face is so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles
Cause my words get in my way
I smoke the hole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
Cause I can't take anymore of this
I want to come apart
Or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart

Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention
Yet I always try to hide
Cause I talk to you like children
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is to feel

Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

08. Suffer
The more you see the more you do
The televisions feeding you
With what you want to hear
Anger and fear
Because you suffer

The hate you feel you won't go away
You're all programmed to feel this way
To live another day
Within a world
That longs to suffer

And then I come to find
Everything's ok
Seen this all before
But that was yesterday
Try to walk right through
The messes that I've made
Just let me enjoy
The life here that I've had

Tried to give this all to you
Can't take anymore to do with this
It hurts inside I know
Why I hide
Cause I suffer

I tried to keep it all inside
Never leave me too much pride
I forced it all down inside
Forced myself
To make me suffer

And then I come to find
Everythings ok
Seen this all before
But that was yesterday
Try to make it through
The messes that I've made
So I can enjoy
The life here that I've had

And then I come to find
And then I come to find
Everythings ok
Seen this all before
But that was yesterday
Try to walk right through
These messes that I've made
Just try to enjoy
This life here that I have

09. Safe Place

Another day inside my world
I'm married to you and this road
A road that never lets me sleep
There's no way to escape these demons
I am forced to keep

And then I find you here
Through your eyes, everything's clear
And I'm home inside your arms
But I'm alone for now

I mean the best with what I say
It doesn't always sound that way
I never learned to work things out
Cause in my family all we ever seem to do is shout

And then I find you here
Through your eyes, everything's clear
And I'm home inside your arms
But I'm alone for now
Alone for now

And I try to sleep
The drugs I take are killing me
I think of you to ease my pain
But you're so far

But now it's time to say goodbye
I love you baby please don't cry
And then I'll find you here
Through your eyes everything's clear
And I'm home inside your arms
But I'm alone for now
Alone for now

10. For You

To my mother, to my father
It's your son or it's your daughter
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me
Should I turn this up for you

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhwere way too fast

The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you dont know how to listen
And let me make my decisions

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhwere way too fast

All your insults and your curses
Make me feel like im not a person
And I feel like I am nothing
But you made me so do something
Cause I'm fucked up because you are
Need attention, attention you couldnt give

Cause I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhwere way too fast

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhere way too fast

11. Outside
And you
Bring me to my knees again
All the times
That I could beg you please, in vain
All the times
That I felt insecure, for you
And I leave
My burdens at the door

But I'm on the outside
I'm lookin in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times
That I felt like this won't end
It's for you
And I taste
What I could never have
It was from you
All the times
That I've cried
My intentions, were full of pride
But I waste, more time than anyone

But I'm on the outside
And I'm lookin in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times
That I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel
All this pain
I stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie
Here in bed
All alone
I can't mend
But I feel
Tomorrow will be ok

But I'm on the outside
And I'm lookin in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

12. Waste
Your mother came up to me
She wanted answers only she should know
Only she should know
It wasn't easy to deal
With the tears that rolled down her face
I have no answers cause
I didn't even know you

But these words
They can't replace
The life you
The life you waste

How could you paint this picture? Was life as bad as it should seem
That there were no more options for you?
I can't explain how I feel
I've been there many times before
I've tasted the cold steel of my life crashing down before me

But these words
They can't replace
The life you
The life you waste

Did daddy not love you
Or did he love you just too much
Did he control you
Did he live through you at your cost
Did he leave no questions
For you to answer on your own?
Well fuck them
And fuck her
And fuck him
And fuck you
For not having the strength in your heart to pull through
I've had doubts
I have failed
I've fucked up
I've had plans
Doesn't mean I should take my life with my own hands

But these words
They can't replace
The life you
The life you waste

13. Take It
I feel like this won't go away
No matter how hard I try to
Squeeze my eyes shut so I can't see
The pain in you, this pain in me
In me

But everything that I can say to you
Won't help you
Everything you need is right in front of you
Just take it

I know that I'm really not here
To represent what I'm not clear about in my head
Sometimes i feel fucked up just like you do
Like you do

But everything that I can say to you
Won't help you
Everything you need is right in front of you
Just take it

Try to make it through the daily pain that you feel
Maybe tomorrow wont be so bad
I know it

Cause I once felt that way
Nothing i could say
Made it go away
I lived through this
I still feel this
I just live for my tomorrow
Just make it go away
Just make it go away
She'll make it go away
She'll make it go away

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